My body weighs heavy on it’s pounding chest,
my blood thickens like mercury
my heart slows, eyes flutter,
breath is still.
Thoughts of you ebb at my life.
Your grazing fingertips stab me with icicles,
when once your touch opened doors of
sunlight allowing me to rise in its safety.
Yet I was fooled;
they pinned me down, trapped me, left me defenseless.
Nightmares awake during the day.
Fear without notice catches my breath.
How long must I wait to forget?
My blessing is a curse that is remembrance;
mi amator vetus.
Through your eyes,
you perceived radiating light from infinite stars.
But my cosmic bliss ended,
and I watched as each star burst into stardust.
I never gave you cause to doubt the life in me,
yet I was lifeless.
I finally take to a page for you,
the real you;
not the martyr.